“In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.” – Budda
This morning I woke up to a text from a friend told me she’d changed her wedding plans and was now having just family and really close friends who know them both. I was no longer invited.
It’s true I don’t know him very well. Traveling is big part of his job, and during many of my visits, he’s often been away. However, despite living in different cities for the entirety of our friendship, we’ve traveled together, visited often and were very close for many years. I couldn’t help but to feel the sting of rejection.
When you disinvite a close (now debatable) friend to your wedding, aren’t you basically saying, “I don’t want to be friends with you anymore?”
It lit up all of my pictures (psychic lingo for old issues) that I’m not considered worthy of an invitation because I’m not married anymore.
And we’re talking OLD ISSUES. 8 years ago when a 5 year relationship fell apart, I found myself no longer included in parties, events and vacations, while my ex still was. I felt abandoned and discarded by the people I was closest to.
That apparent rejection hurt like hell. But it turned out to be the catalyst for me to walk an entirely new and much healthier path. A path that helped me find the courage to look at my darkness and bring it into the light; it allowed me know myself on a much deeper level. It’s a path that opened up my curiosity and passion for art, creating my own music, writing, and speaking my truth. Things I never knew were a part of me.
My first reaction to her text was my stomach hurt. Then I escaped momentarily to the abyss of the internet. I caught myself judging her and considered writing a response I might regret later. None of those things made me feel any better.
Then I remembered that the beginner doesn’t have to react.
I took a breath. And then another one. I let myself to cry. At first I thought I was crying over the dissolution of friendship. But then I realized that was just an aspect of it.
Mostly I was crying because personal growth (whether I want it or not) is unequivocally my path in this lifetime. I need it the way I need water and air and sunshine and tacos. And sometimes, personal growth is really fucking hard.
It’s hard because a path of growth means we lose a lot of lovely people along the way.
CLICK TO TWEET>>>>>>Life is about alignment. We cruise along on our individual paths and other people we share alignments with (values, passions, directives) navigate beside us. If we stay in alignment, we continue on together. However, if one of us shifts, we move onto different tracks and create new alignments. In theory it’s all very beautiful and fluid. Practice is (obviously) a different story.
I lay in bed for awhile, indulging in the cool, foggy morning thinking about all of the people I’ve navigated with from my first friend in kindergarten to my group of friends I felt abandoned me 8 years ago, to my (now-ex) husband, and friend that’s getting married. Even if I didn’t understand it at the time, they’ve all undoubtedly helped me along on my path to better understanding myself. And that is a gift.
I sat up, took some more deep breaths and decided to respond.
1. I remembered that it’s not personal. As much as her text lit my pictures up like a Christmas Tree, it’s not about me. She is creating her life based on where she and her partner are aligned right now. I get that.
2. Then, I forgave. Forgiveness wasn’t for her- it was for me. For + Giving means letting go, and that act of letting go means we are giving to ourselves. We are giving ourselves the freedom to detach from old energetic chords. Perceived rejection can create cords just as strong as love, but they don’t feel like love. Forgiveness allows us to let go of old alignment connections that causes hurt/pain. It also makes room to create new alignments.
3. Finally, I released. By releasing my friend to her highest good, (sending positive energy and love her way) I created an energetic vibration to release myself to MY highest good as well. After all, what you put out you get back!
Today my practice is to remember that people come into our lives for a season, a reason or a lifetime. The Beginner has gratitude for the good times and lets go, making space for new friends to come in her life with a more present time alignment.
I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!