The Modern Woman’s Guide to a Free Spirit: Perfection Edition

Welcome to your free training for a free spirit! Each month, I’ll be diving deep into a planetary construct that holds us back as women. For March, I’m highlighting something that wreaks havoc on our happiness (something you might not even be completely aware of), but that’s intricately woven into “normal life”.

Watch my video below and receive the KEY to breaking free from this thankless prison of perfection AKA spiritual suicide.

*Each week I’ll be providing you with a simple, proven action step that will allow you to see yourself through a new lens that feels like a bonafide superpower. Find the first one here:

Week 1
Time: 1-2 minutes
Materials: Your imagination
Action: Set a Directive

Directives are very powerful. It was the first step I took in accessing my once dormant passion to create! Those last few moments before you go to sleep are an important time to program your spiritual GPS.

It may sound a little woo-woo, but I assure you, those who use this time wisely experience very rapid shifts.

Yours might be something like: My directive is to recover my innate writing ability and to remember.

I believe writing is the gateway drug to creativity because we’re all innate storytellers. Regardless of if you’re putting pen to paper or fingers to keyboard, you tell stories all day to our friends and family, right?

 

Check back with me each week for the next challenge, or sign up at emilypereira.com to have it sent directly to your inbox. By the end of March, you’ll be amazed to see how much your creative spirit has grown. Small changes lead to big differences! The magic is all within you.

 

Let’s Stay in Touch – Follow me on Instagram for live updates from live in the jungle of Costa Rica

 

The (Overlooked) Truth About LOVE.

The (Overlooked) Truth About LOVE.

Love is some potent stuff. It gets us high, knocks us low, and spins us ‘round and ‘round. It heals, it hurts, and delivers unparalleled joy. When something sprouts up in relationship that’s different than we’d envisioned, it’s easy to fall into fear. Despite our best reminders that change signifies life, movement and growth, we punish ourselves, thinking we’ve done something wrong, and worry that all is lost.

 

The analytic mind loops like a rollercoaster, as we angle to salvage the remaining vestiges of that vision. Spinning with the illusion that if we just try a little harder, we will be able to fix the issue or control the outcome.

 

Amid the complexities love brings, it’s easy to lose sight of the fact that relationships are about one person- and one person only. YOU. Lovers are our greatest teachers and our most revealing mirrors; it’s through these intricate relationships that we gain greater insight into ourselves.

 

Regardless of what the physical plane is showing you, you must trust that your life is working out for your best interest. We don’t create anything we can’t handle. The best thing you can do is let go of trying to control. I know- easier said than done. But by letting go, you release yourself from your limited vision of whatever it is you thought you wanted, thus creating space for what you actually need in order to evolve into a more loving, compassionate, and ultimately powerful person. Loving connection is the essence of who we are as sexual beings, and necessary to our survival as a species. And, while there are many lovely and colorful characters that navigate beside us in this life, the journey into greater consciousness is ultimately something we do alone.

 

I used to think love was something I found in another person, but eventually discovered what I was searching for in another was really who I wanted to be. Thing is…

We don’t attract who we want to love into our lives; we attract who we are.

 

So I tried something new… and became The Beginner. This allowed me freedom I’d never known before to pursue things I’d always wanted to try, but somewhere along the line started believing my own B.S. stories: I’m not an artist, you have to be good at math to play guitar, it’s dangerous for a woman to travel alone (these were true and persistent thoughts looping through my head for, ya know…  a good 30 years!)

Being The Beginner means you can do ANYTHING and not be judged… don’t that sound luxurious?

 

As the beginner, I found it easier to venture outside my comfort zone in the direction of my unrealized dreams. I discovered passions I never knew that I had. This permission led me to genuinely love and respect myself, which was a HUGE game changer.

I found that it doesn’t matter that my nose is crooked, or that a good third of my hair had been burned off by an over zealous stylist. When you are lit up by your passions and genuinely love yourself, it is spiritually, energetically, universally impossible for others not to be attracted to you too. That’s how it works, my friend… good ol’ Ordinary Magic doing its thing.

The Beginner Bottom Line: Don’t focus on finding that amazing person to come into your life; BE an amazing person.

 

 

 

Bali: A Steamy Cauldron of Personal Growth

Bali: A Steamy Cauldron of Personal Growth

I’ve just returned from my first real solo pilgrimage- 3 weeks in Bali. (I attempted one 8 years ago to Australia and New Zealand, but met a guy the first day and spent the whole time with him, so that doesn’t really count.)

If I could sum Bali in one word, it would be REMEMBERING. A great remembering of who I am when I’m at my best. And my hope is that by reading this, you’ll side step the (two) scooter accidents I had, and cruise straight to remembering of who you are when you’re at YOUR BEST!

 

When I arrived in Ubud, the cultural capital of Bali, the (not as little as you’d expect) town was abuzz people from China, Japan, Australia, Singapore, New Zealand, Europe, Canada, America, and of course the local Balinese people themselves.

My first day, (which felt less Eat, Pray, Love and a more NYC traffic jam on a rainy summer afternoon) I was faced with a decision that would definitively shape the entire rest of my trip.

 

I had to choose between believing my rational mind, that did a damn good job convincing me that last thing I should do is ride a motor scooter (for the first time) around in the rain, in a country where I don’t speak the language, especially since I have no idea where I am or where I’m going, and I have to drive on the opposite side of the street.

 

OR…

 

I could listen to the (very) faint but determined call of my heart that whispered… “Hey you? Remember that thing you decided a few years ago? That being The Beginner is the path to creating most fun, adventurous, and fulfilling life? Yeah, why don’t you just give that a try?”

 

Something tells me, you have an idea who I chose to listen to….

 

Scooting around Ubud felt like being in a video game. My dad used to take us to Roundtable Pizza every Friday night where he’d fork over a couple twenties for video games so he could drink beer and read the paper in peace for a few hours. There, I mastered “That Driving Game,” a staple in pizza parlors everywhere circa 1984-1989.

“That Driving Game” – a deep bow. I had no idea you were going to be one of the “dots” Steve Jobs said I’d look back on and understand the trajectory of my life.

 

Back to “That Scootin’ Game,” (Only $100,000 Rupiah to play/day- that’s about 10$)

 

Level One: Scoot to meet Rick Cowley, the leader of the Surf Life retreat I’m going on later in my trip.

 

I map it before I leave the house, do a few practice circles in the grass, and when I decide I’m as good as I’m gonna be not having actual experience on the streets of Ubud.

Pulling out into the long drive, shaking more than I care to admit, I pull back on the handle bar (gas) and venture onto the road. The place I’m renting is up road called Sri Wedari, which is beautiful,  and not as congested as the narrow streets of Ubud. The warm breeze tickles my face and rustles through my gauzy dress. A faint smell of incense, exhaust and basa genep (a Balinese spice I later come to love) fill my nostrils, as bugs meet an immediate death on the face of my ray bans.

I wind through a lush canopy of tropical plants and flowers, quickly picking up how locals navigate the blind turns with a friendly little beep of the horn to notify you they’re on the other side. I immediately get a bold sensation of freedom, independence, and sheer exhilaration I haven’t felt in a very, very long time.

 

Merging on the main road is tricky but manageable. I emulate the locals, lowering my left leg for support when traffic slows, and am secretly proud of myself for looking like I know what I’m doing. For a minute or two I feel pretty cool.

 

Fear creeps in when I glance down at my directions written on my hand, and see that my next move is an obtuse angle up a VERY steep hill. I attempt to ride the momentum of the people in front of me, but clearly they have some intel on this turn that I don’t. I don’t hook the turn hard enough, find myself barely dodging a passing car, losing my balance, and heading straight for a dirt embankment. In a futile attempt to slow down, I drag my foot, bust off my flip flop, and obliterate my second toe.

 

The good news I’m not going very fast so when I crash into the embankment. I still have my limbs and teeth. At least five Balinese people scurry around, lifting the bike off me and making sure I’m OK, (which is my first and slightly awkward introduction the unparalleled beauty of these heart-centered people).

 

My foot is THROBBING. Like it has it’s own heartbeat and it just ran a 5k in 5 minutes. I keep looking down at it to make sure it’s not hanging off the bone because that’s what it feels like. Nope, still there. Although, now challenged with starting my bike on this steep hill with only one shoe.

 

Breathe. You can do this. Be the Beginner. Again. Breathe.

 

I manage to make it to the café to meet Rick, and then to the grocery store where they sell flip flops.

 

Traveling has a magical way of heightening how you feel and accelerating growth. And Bali, (especially Ubud) with its many energy vortexes, is like a steamy cauldron of person transformation, whether you’re looking for that or not.

 

I did come looking … in fact my intention for the trip was to let go all that no longer serves me.

 

And that is how I find myself in a foreign country with a only a vague idea of where I am, and what I’m doing, hobbling through the Ubud’s version of a mega grocery store, my one sole, braving the elements. I created that scenario to REMEMBER.

 

I REMEMBERED that I have to actively put myself in situations that scare me a little, so I can stretch beyond the confines of my comfort zone, and reconnect with my wild, untamed, courageous spirit.

 

I remembered that being scared and doing it anyway is what courage is! And COURAGE is the seed that growth (and aliveness) stems from. When we take one courageous step, no matter what the consequences, it becomes easier to take another. We expand on an energy level, which in turn allows our world around us to expand.

 

As my trip unfolds and I continue to give myself permission to be the beginner, I progress to many levels of “That Scootin’ Game” – levels I wouldn’t dare attempt on that first day.

 

Level 2: Scootin’ at night.

 

Level 3: Scootin’ at night down a one way street (the wrong way). Standard MOA in Ubud.

 

Level 4: Scootin’ at night in a torrential downpour on Christmas Eve, getting really get lost, and hiring a scooter taxi driver to lead me to my hotel.

 

Level 5: Scootin’ with a passenger on the back in the rain. It’s official (I’ve found my scoot-legs!)

 

Level 6: Scootin’ on dirt roads, on an island off and island of Bali, in a torrential downpour, plowing through 3 foot ravines and across windy bridges. (Second accident goes down here).

It involves getting lost, a vegetable garden and confused looks from Balinese people. Not because I crash, and get stuck in the mud, but because underneath my poncho (that is now practically strangling me), I’m only wearing a bikini (just finished surfing), and my glasses are mangled on my face. But possibly most alarming, I’m laughing so hard I can’t even breathe. Damn it feels good to laugh with complete and total reckless abandon. Yep, I’m almost positive they’ve never this before.

 

Here’s are the top three things I remembered from my Bali scootin’ diaries:

 

1. Belief

Accessing each new level was possible because I had a powerful tool in my belt: the ability to grant myself permission to Be The Beginner again, and again and again. With each level I gained greater belief that I could handle more.

 

Completely believing in ourselves is one of the most difficult feats we can ever accomplish, but with each new foray to the edge of your comfort zone, you deposit another golden nugget of belief into your account.

 

You also have access to this tool 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week.
Being the Beginner is the password to your freedom and the key to your growth (in every area of your life).

 

2. Exhilaration

There is a feeling of exhilaration that only comes from venturing outside your comfort zone.

 

Each time I went anywhere I was simultaneously excited and terrified. And that made me feel ALIVE!

 

We are all living beings, but when was the last time you felt truly ALIVE?

 

3. Playful

Turns out easy, breezy, light and free are feelings that make my heart want to boogie on like a reggae woman. I’m at my best when I’m goofy and playful. I feel like the whole world is singing, laughing, and grooving alongside me. Beginners are very playful. And even though I teach the benefits of being The Beginner, I too am pulled by the cultural and societal pressures to be perfect, be the expert, be right or I am not enough.

I remembered that kind of thinking doesn’t get me closer to the ways I want to feel and the woman I want to be.

 

I remembered that Being The Beginner, in many ways, is a radical act in our culture. And such an act reaps immeasurable rewards. Being the beginner is where the giggles, the joy, the amusement come from. It’s where learning, growth, magic and synchronicity live.

 

Being The Beginner allowed me laugh, instead of curse, riding in the rain. My first accident was a funny story and my detour into the Balinese vegetable garden was a downright hilarious adventure, not traumatic failure.

Being The Beginner means no blame and no shame to the person that matters most in your world- YOU! When you feel good about you, it’s easier for other people to feel good about you too.

 

Keep an eye out for the next two great remembrances coming to you over the next couple of weeks. In the mean time, tell me in the comments tell me… is there anywhere in your life that you are being The Beginner right now?

Ditch the Script. Find Yourself.

We’ve become a society of “experts.” My journey to becoming an expert began around the age of eight as I attempted to be as perfect as I could be, while making it look like I wasn’t trying to be perfect at all. My parents loved me, my teachers applauded me, and my peers accepted me. Savvy little thing, I was.

By the time I reached my late twenties, I diligently achieved all of the things I thought would bring me happiness. I continually ranked number one nationally at a coveted sales job, lived in a home on the beach with my internet pioneer boyfriend, went on extravagant vacations with beautiful and hilarious friends. It sure looked good, but for some reason, I couldn’t shake a pervasive feeling of blah. In spite of all that I had, it never seemed to be enough.

I wanted to be a woman who strode confidently in the direction of her dreams… but I couldn’t identify anything I had a burning passion to do. Adrenaline pumping activities like surfing, skiing and competing with the boys served as a brief refuge from this pervasive apathy. Chic parties and friendship drama were temporary distractions from a deep seated sadness churning inside of me.

In my limited scope of consciousness, I blamed my man. Obviously he wasn’t doing enough for me… for us. This prompted a stubborn case of “when we’s,” that ruthlessly hijacked me from the present moment. When he sells his company, then we’ll be happy. When we go on our trip around the world, then we’ll be happy. When we get engaged, then we’ll be happy. I mean, hadn’t I achieved all of the other things that are supposed to deliver me across the imaginary finish line into the promised land of fulfillment?

In a word, no. But I didn’t gain this insight until much later. Until after the boy broke my heart; after my friends cut their ties with me; and after I began my quest inward.

And much to my surprise, what felt like the most painful breakdown of my life, gave way to the most pivotal breakthrough I could ever imagine.

It was then that the forces of the universe converged to connect me with a powerful spiritual teacher and I saw the greatest source of my pain was that I’d been unconsciously following a script I didn’t write. I’d soaked up messages from the fabric of reality around me, and internalized them as my own. Clearly I wasn’t nearly as savvy as my eight-year-old self would have you believe.

My narrow script left little room for creative risks, because taking chances might expose me as not being the image of perfection I’d gotten used to portraying. It urged me to find the most successful alpha-male in the room, and basking in his glow I would feel worthy and safe.

Now mind you, I had no idea I was doing any of this. The most devious thing about my script was that it had me believing it didn’t exist at all.

The first rule of the script is that there is no script.

But as I continued to pull back the layers of illusion I’d carefully constructed around me and got really, real with myself, I recognized that I’d created a life based on external validation and in doing so, became a very fearful and competitive woman.

When my teacher urged me to explore my creative side, I was like, “Huh?”

For 32 years, I’d always assumed creativity was a genetic thing and sadly that gene had unceremoniously passed me by.

I soon learned that “blah” feeling I couldn’t shake was merely fear of failure masquerading as apathy.

My script had me believing that unless I was going to be perfect and do it perfectly I may as well not even try. As I gained greater consciousness I discovered that I didn’t have to be perfect to participate, I just needed to be The Beginner.

The Beginner is Teflon armor against fear of failure because The Beginner isn’t supposed to know a damn thing.

With this simple, yet revolutionary insight, I gave myself permission to just be The Beginner and began to write openly about my experiences and emotions. I was amazed that by suspending judgment, my creations flowed freely, and a most unusual thing occurred — I began to reveal myself authentically and vulnerably to myself, which restored a sense of integrity I’d lost somewhere along the way.

And then, it was as if a dam burst open inside of me and suddenly a creative passion I’d never known was a part of me flowed through every pore in my body. I began playing guitar, singing and writing songs. I started painting big canvases full of bright colors, and built an art studio in my home. I began jazz dancing after stopping nearly 20 years prior and began taking improv! This overwhelming desire to create generated such a monumental shift inside of me that my entire vision of self expanded. I became awake, alive and inspired.

The resentment I’d been carrying around for my ex-boyfriend finally evaporated like stubborn condensation on the bathroom mirror, and I realized it wasn’t he who had abandoned me; I had abandoned myself and my dreams a time long ago in a bid to gain approval and acceptance.

Like a seesaw, as my belief in myself went up, I watched my competition go down. I developed a genuine camaraderie with other women who are courageously following their dreams, and a sincere compassion for those still trapped in their own private prisons of perfection. It finally felt like it was enough, because I felt like I was enough.

I wanted to call out from the rooftops to every woman who is struggling in life… struggling to find that thing that sets her heart on fire, “There’s another way!”

And that’s what I know I’m here to do. To share what I’ve learned with women like YOU, who (like me) bought in to the script, and are starting to realize it’s a bunch of BS.

The way to an adventurous, passionate, fulfilling existence is the exact opposite of what most of us have been programmed to believe. Life’s gifts don’t come from being perfect and doing everything perfectly; they show up when we ditch the script and give ourselves a little FREAKING permission to just be The Beginner. (Tweet-Worthy!)