Miracles DO Happen (but it helps if you know how to create them)

4 years ago this month I found myself at a very unexpected crossroads. My husband and I had rented a gorgeous apartment in Paris for a month-long artist sabbatical and about 5 weeks before we were scheduled to leave (without any warning whatsoever) he told me he wasn’t coming anymore. He wasn’t coming anymore because he wasn’t sure he wanted to be married anymore. Ummm… Yeah.

In my latest video I share the destructive, unconscious patterns that were preventing me from having my dream life, and the diamond insight I gained that allowed me to go from heartbroken and alone to loved up in this beautiful jungle paradise, with my sexy French beloved, an amazing community of inspiring  friends and a baby girl growing in my womb.

Yes, miracles DO happen.. but it helps if we know how to create them!

CHANGE: Lemonade Disguised as Lemons

CHANGE: Lemonade Disguised as Lemons

When I first learned that my landlord was selling my (her) place, I dug my heels into the sand and screamed NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I’d been through a lot of change in the past couple years and the thought of leaving my adorable beach cottage after just one year was almost too much to bear.

Not because this would be my 12th move in the 14 years I’ve been in LA. Not because prices on the Westside are steep enough to induce dizzy spells. Not because Disco and I love walking to our favorite organic spots (if you follow me on INSTAGRAM you know I quit sugar as a means of healing my body from a chronic condition). Although all of these things were certainly a factor.

The truth is even though it’s the one constant that we can really count on, change felt… overwhelming and a little scary.

But like a train already rolling down the tracks, there was no stopping it, and in the first four hours on the market my little bungalow garnered an all cash offer 100k over asking price and I had 60 days to leave.

I slipped into victim mode for a good week. “I can’t move. I won’t move.”

It seemed everyone I spoke with had a horror story of dozens of renters showing up with cashiers checks the first day.

WHY ME? WHY NOW?!!

Little did I know that the tectonic plates of the universe were rearranging for my benefit. First, the woman who bought my place was set to move into a gorgeous place in Venice with a detached art studio that she also happened to be the listing agent on.  Feeling bad about displacing me she said, “If you want it, I won’t even put it on the market.”

She then told me that as part of her sale negotiations she agreed to pay the current tenant (me) a pretty generous sum to vacate.  Over the years, I’d heard of this urban myth, but like a $5 green juice and finding a guy in Venice sans facial hair, I just assumed it was just nice story.

Through all of this, I was reminded of a powerful truth I’ve learned and (re)learned many times but often forget in the heat of an unnerving transitional moment: change can be daunting but it’s happening for our benefit. Our outside world rearranges to match our present time vibration.

…did I mention there is a detached art stuuuuuuudio?!

This my friends is a lil’ thing I like to call ordinary magic!

This human experience is a fluid one; to be in transition is to be alive. I realize that not all change is immediately accompanied by an nice chuck of change and art studio, but even hidden in the folds of seemingly unfavorable change, like divorce and illness (i’ve been through both), if we can ask, “what is the gift?” There will be one.

Change happens for 1 of 2 reasons: we need to evolve to reach the next echelon of our destiny, or we’ve already made a big internal shift and our external world is following suit. Either way it’s a positive thing.

Much like yoga, being the beginner is a practice (and a superpower). When things get hairy or scary and uncertain, we can give ourselves permission once again to be the beginner. Like a child, the beginner is present. The present moment is the magical place where we are always safe. And our present moment vibration is literally creating our future time reality.

Do You Land On Your Feet?

“If you had just a minute to breathe and they granted you one final wish
Would you ask for something like another chance?” -Traffic

Life is a journey with many twists and turns, switchbacks and cliffs. And even though we can intellectualize that there will be ups and downs, why is the idea of falling or failing (as some people see it) so terrifying?

Because of competition we internalize being “right,” doing things “right” as the basis of our self worth, and the very reason why anyone else would want to be with us. But to be perfectly right and do everything perfectly right means we don’t take any real risks or chances. Then there we are, toiling away at a ho-hum existence, wondering what the hell it’s all for?

As I inched closer to my late twenties I found that all the parties, work, money and vacations in the world did little to mask a very sickly feeling I couldn’t shake. It was the feeling of regret. I wasn’t even thirty and I already had regrets! Yikes!  I had regret for not being true to myself and living the life that felt good for me.  For years I unconsciously kept the charade of my perfect-looking life going, even to myself, and wondered why I felt dead inside, unable to see my creations were based on what I thought everyone else expected of me.

And then – because sooner or later the chickens always come home to roost – I fell far from the image of perfection I’d gotten used to portraying, and a most surprising thing happened – I landed on my feet.

Ok, I hit the ground hard and bounced a few times, before I landed on my feet. But it was then that I realized one of life’s universal truths. It doesn’t matter how many times you fall; it matters what you do when you’re down. (if you dig it, tweet it!)

The single thing that allowed me to land on my feet was the willingness to change. The very definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. It was the willingness to let go of being “right” and “perfect” which opened me up to one of the planet’s most secret treasures – ART.  I shudder sometimes remembering LBA: Life Before Art. It was a dark place, mucked up with fear, competition and apathy. If you’ve been following along for awhile, you know I didn’t believe myself to have one single creative bone in my entire body for the first 31 years of my life. But, as I bounced, I discovered not feeling creative stems from, really, really wanting to be perfect and right. The truth is creativity is an innate human quality. It is a flow of energy that courses through our bodies and needs to be expressed. When we aren’t expressing we literally don’t feel like were enough, and attempt to fill ourselves up with more stuff: more work, more lovers, more clothes, more money, and so on.

Whereas in the throws of inspiration I’ve found there is no place I’d rather be and there’s nothing I’m lacking. To express creatively means getting comfortable with feeling uncomfortable. If you can suspend your judgment and give yourself permission to be the beginner, it’s the place where your life begins. Life gets exciting when we take chances because it’s there in that vulnerable moment and the triumph over that discomfort where we expand our vision of self. It’s the place where we grow, come alive and feel inspired! It’s the place where we want to shout “Yes! This is who I am and why I’m here!”

I’d be fooling myself if I thought my path didn’t have many more impending twists and turns, and cliffs and switchbacks on the horizon, and I do get scared sometimes. But being scared and doing it anyway is my best understanding of courage.  And I take comfort in knowing as long as I have the ability to evolve, adapt and be the beginner I’ll continue to land on my feet.

Are you in mid-fall? Bounce? Or have you landed for the moment?